Living from the inside out

So I realize and fully accept that I am one of those people who talks about their dog a little too often. For some reason, I seem to see things more clearly since he joined my life 3 years ago. I have always believed that nature has a lot to tell us about how to do life and that that the physical world has so much to show us about how to do relationships and how to have emotions.
Tonight I was talking with someone about the motivation behind what we do and say. So often we get paralyzed because we feel uncertain of how things will turn out. We don't say what we are thinking because we are unsure of how it will be received or if the recipient will reciprocate the feelings. So often we hold back on going for what we really want because we lack the guarantee that it will "all work out." So often we back away from things we might like - or love - because we're not sure if we will be good at it.
I remember that when I first adopted Levon, he was very ill. I had to take him to the vet, force feed him every day and force tubes with medicine into his mouth for the first several months of his life. I remember in particular one time, in his already fragile state, he got a hold of a tiny piece of snail poison.  A tiny snail poison is a major problem for a little, runtly dog. He was rushed, of course, off the vet and had to immediately be hooked up to IVs.  What I distinctly remember from this is the vet saying, "We THINK he'll be ok." We THINK. Not - here is the treatment, it's expensive and a pain, but it will work. No. The reality was we "THINK" he'll be ok.  What I realized, in that moment, was that this little creature was helping me live from the inside out.  I made a choice to give him the treatment, to feed him the meds, to watch over him for months NOT because I was guaranteed a positive outcome, but because I loved him.  There was no outward guarantee or promise, but there was an internal drive to act because I loved him.  I did not nurse him because I knew he would be OK. I nursed him because I loved him.
And what I experienced with him was a pure experience of making a decision based on internal motivation rather than external guarantee. I didn't need Levon to fully recover to make the time and effort worth it. It already was worth it.  Because I loved him, not because I knew for sure what was going to happen.

What in your life are you waiting for a guarantee, a promise, a prediction to start?
What if you let your passion, desire, curiosity or love be enough motivation.  What if it were already worth it just because it is important to you...

Getting Serious about Joy

I talk a lot about not taking things so seriously, learning to let go and be open to what life actually brings...not what you expect it to bring.

One of the things we have to take less seriously is our image of our bodies. I see people grieve over their weight, their underarm, what happens to their thighs when they smash them down against a chair or hard surface. We take our thighs so seriously.

Today, in a great conversation, I realize that some things (of course) are to be taken seriously.
One of which is joy.

What if we took joy more seriously? What if we prioritized getting and giving more joy?
What if we took time to think about joy, about the different sources of joy and the different ways that it can look in our life.

What if we took joy at least as serious as our thighs?

Can I learn to be grateful for bad things that DIDN'T happen?

My boyfriend was so excited to see me today. Much more excited than usual.
I sent a text earlier today letting him know I was leaving my office so we could estimate what time we would do dinner. What I didn't realize was that I had started the text with "I'm leaving LA." When he read it, he immediately thought I had hit my limit, packed the car, and was LEAVING LA.
He said it felt like he awoke from a bad dream, relieved to find out it was only a dream and there was no big problem to solve, no big heartache to face.
It made me realize how many Don'ts and Didn'ts I have to be grateful for.

I didn't find out that anyone I love died today.
I didn't come home to a sick dog.
I don't have a bill in my mail box that I can't pay.
I don't have a stomach ache, a head ache, a cold or the flu.
My legs don't hurt. My hips don't hurt. I did not trip and break my ankle.
I didn't miss a really important appointment.
I didn't bomb a really big audition.
I don't have to get up at 4am tomorrow.
I don't have to evacuate.
I didn't get denied insurance.
My power didn't go out. Nothing is rotting in my fridge.
I didn't burn my arm, or stub my toe.
I don't have to have scary surgery tomorrow.

I am so grateful for so many Don'ts and Didn'ts today. 

The Wisdom of Curious George

I realize that we may all be healed - from whatever has wounded us or however we are injuring ourselves - if we did life a little more like Curious George.
When he breaks something, he apologizes and helps clean up.
When he sees something new, he explores.
When he wants something, he goes for it.
When he tries and fails, he cries some and then gets help from his neighbors, the animals or the man in the yellow hat.
When he's tired, he sleeps.
When he's hungry, he eats.
When he's confused, he asks.
And for everything, all the time, he lives in a beautifully zen and open place of curiosity.
Genius.